I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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