dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
