Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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