I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
