My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
