all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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