my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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