where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I want her autograph on my taint
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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