There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
