I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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