apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
