Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
