Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
