Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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