This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
