I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
