I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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