she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
