Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
