I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
His nipple licking is glorious
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