i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
