Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
