If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
This toilet bowl is my home.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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