and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize