Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
