She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
