Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Holy sore nipples Batman
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
