I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
