I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
