you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
