We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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