She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
