You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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