i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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