Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
