just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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