I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
