i think my tv is drunk
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize