Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Send help, water and tortillas.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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