Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
