Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
