Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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