the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
