Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Sober January is a disaster.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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