Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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