I must be too annoying 4 u.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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