Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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