I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
