Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
