I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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