his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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