And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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