i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
