hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
