Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
