When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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