I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
