i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
