Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
