I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
