I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
