my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
