btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Even the bartender felt bad for me
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
