Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
