i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
