This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize