he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
