I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
