Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
