Duck Duck Cougar?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
