I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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